325 nothings
by miyazumis
Summary: he counted their kisses until they no longer counted.


Disclaimer: Gintama and the characters written here are the intellectual property of Sorachi Hideaki

* * *

The first time they kissed was in the Yagyuu compound, during the dinner to celebrate Otae and Kyuubei's reunion.

They'd snuck away just before the main dishes were served and ducked into a tiny alcove under the stair, giggling as Shinpachi walked past on his way to the bathroom without noticing them. Their lips met to the sound of Hijikata's shouting and plates shattering, Kagura's chapped ones still sour from the sukonbu she sucked between mouthfuls of soba, and Sougo's too soft and sweet for someone as mean as he was. When they finally pulled apart, cheeks flushed and breathing hard, Kagura grinned lopsidedly and bounded back into the dining room to start on her dinner.

(To this day, Sougo regrets not keeping her with him for a minute longer, Gintoki's grumbling stomach be damned.) 

He cried the second time they kissed.

It happened shortly after Mitsuba's funeral, and Kagura had found Sougo by accident. With hands strangely delicate for someone so violent, she ran her fingers through his blond hair soothingly, wiping his tears away with a smile too sad to look right on her face. She let him kiss her roughly until he was too tired to stand on his own, and then carried him, her purple umbrella shielding them from the sun and prying eyes of Kabuki-Chou residents, to the field where they had the ridiculous rock-paper-scissors tournament during their first meeting.

(He still remembers her eyes that day, sparkling with glee in a way that cameras aren't able to capture with the knowledge that she'd found someone she could fight with without having to hold back.) 

It wasn't until hours after they shared their third, fourth and fifth kisses that he realized that he'd fallen in love with her.

He'd been laying in his too hot futon, listening to Kondo's snoring from the other side of the sliding door when he stopped counting dead Hijikatas and started counting Kaguras. The thought came very suddenly and he almost laughed out loud at the idea of himself being in love with the china girl. But he'd been too tired, so he'd given up on trying to argue with it. Hijikata woke him up that morning surprised that Sougo hadn't killed him, only smacking his hand away with a sleepy grunt of "go away, China."

(Because Sougo already knew he was horribly in love with the Kagura, so what's the point in denying it?) 

Twenty-five kisses marked the moment Sougo confessed he was in love with her.

They'd been walking through the Shinsengumi compound hand in hand when it occurred to him that if he didn't tell Kagura now, he might never end up doing it. So he did. He pulled her into the shade of the trees, setting the umbrella down and wiping his sweaty hands on the leg of his trousers. Her lips curled into a smile upon seeing his face redder than her hair. Sougo blushed as he counted one, two, three—three kisses and told her that he loved her and that he thinks he would for the rest of his life.

(Nine kisses later—twelve if Sougo counted the three during his confession, which he usually did—she voiced her own love for him.) 

And because Sougo counted his three confession kisses, it as on their hundred forty third kiss, not their hundred fortieth, that he proposed.

He should have seen it coming, and in the two years of her absence he thinks about what a fool he'd been for believing that she'd promise herself to him before becoming the best amanto hunter in the universe. Despite her telling him that there was a lot she wanted to do before settling down, he couldn't help but hope she'd be willing to settle with him before she set out. But it wasn't fair to him or to her. He'd known that she'd reject him, but he couldn't help but hope differently.

(It hurt, but if he was being honest, Kagura's stubborn, ambitious side was what he loved most about her.) 

Kagura returned to him two years later by giving him a kiss—their two hundred and first—in front of her family.

At nineteen, she was even more stunning than she was when she left, but no less loved, especially by her two idiot papas. When she'd flung her arms around him first, her body pressed familiarly against his own, Sougo knew that if they didn't run now, he'd never get the chance to share tens of thousands, and millions of kisses with her. They ran, weaving through the confused crowds of people to escape the wrath of the ridiculously protective Umibouzu and Gintoki.

(Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder—the evening they shared was proof of that and it had made the threats of castration from fifteen various people well worth it.) 

Their three hundred fifty second kiss was also their last.

Nine months, two weeks, and five days after her return, she fought in the inevitable battle against Kamui. Thinner and bluer than they'd been when she was fourteen and they kissed for the first time, Kagura's lips parted as she tried to get air in and words out. Sougo could taste her blood and feel the layer of dirt caked onto her skin as he desperately tried to force life back into her. The shouts of the Shinsengumi and the crying from what was left of the Yorozuya registered vaguely in his mind, but nothing mattered except for Kagura dying when she'd promised them to come out alive.

(But she hadn't so all he had left were empty promises and the weight of 352 nothings.)

* * *

two sentences kept swimming around in my head and i couldn't concentrate in bio at all. so i picked up a pen i found on the floor and started writing and once i started i couldn't stop ahahahahhaha... (i still didn't end up paying any attention that class oops)


End file.
